


Do you believe...?

by Ist_Narsha_Shehlisa



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Afterlife, Angst and Tragedy, Contemplation, Deep Thinking, Implied Relationships, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 02:41:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9154753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ist_Narsha_Shehlisa/pseuds/Ist_Narsha_Shehlisa
Summary: Tim doesn't believe there's a god, if God was real, then this nothing would be like this, covered in blood and screaming in his ears, his own throat raw with his own screams. Tim doesn't believe God exists, because monsters do.Who could tell him otherwise...?





	

**Author's Note:**

> On an author's note, new 52 looks cool but I do not buy it. Not if Lobdell has messed up Tim's story so much.

Everything hurt.

His body, his brain and somehow he felt pain in his heart too. Just everything. And all Tim could do was lie on the ground motionless. He could hear his friends calling for him, Kon was the loudest, with his half kryptonian side, he could shout almost as loud as Dinah granted if she had a cold but even his voice couldn't pull Tim back. His eyes wouldn't open, he couldn't even move his fingers….he was going to die here.  
Suddenly, their voices seemed to fade faster into the distance, he wanted to reach out and grab hold of them, anchor himself so he wouldn't drift away. But he could sense them getting farther and farther until there was silence...stupid Kon, all that effort to bring him back and he still hadn't apologized to Tim for being a wimpy idiot. Too bad it was his turn to go now, he could hear Kon's distant voice cursing and begging him to come back, he must be crying. Sorry dude, not this time…

“Hey, hey, wake up.” A man's voice said, and a pair of hands around his shoulders shook Tim. He grumbled in confusion.  
“Don't make me get the bucket kiddo.”  
“Wha-” Tim shot up in surprise, his instincts kicking in and putting him on guard. He looked around in shock realizing that this wasn't the battlefield and he wasn't in his battle uniform but his pajamas, the old ones which he'd hidden away when he began living as a Wayne. But this wasn't his oversized bedroom at Wayne Manor either, this was his room. More Specifically his room from the old house he and his Dad lived in, right before...His eyes slowly turned to the man by his bedside.  
“Dad?”  
The old man smiled the corners of his eyes crinkled up the way Tim remembered so fondly and he said, “Who else did you think?”  
Suddenly, Tim threw his arms around his father and squeezed harder than he had ever squeezed anyone in his life. It felt like his father even smelled like him, of pine and the office. After what felt like an eternity, he finally let go and realized he was crying. His father laughed and plucked some tissues from the bedside table.  
“Rough night, huh?”  
“I was…but you were...I couldn't-” Tim tried to explain through the sniffing and tears. He was surprised but insanely happy, his Dad should be dead. Captain Boomerang killed him. He died because of who Tim was, because he was Batman's Robin. And for so many night, his Dad wanted to stop him but never did because he wasn't wrong but still he feared for his son's safety, Tim's life. Tim should have stayed home that night, not because he could've been killed but he could've been there to save his father. But he didn't and lost him that night. Now, somehow, he was here, with Tim back in their house, like none of it ever happened. Like it was all some bad dream.  
“Tell me all about it later Tim, better get ready now before we miss it.” his Dad got up from the bed and began searching around his closet.  
“Miss what?”  
“Come on don't tell me you forgot!” Tim didn't answer as he attempted to try and recall what it was he was supposed to remember. School? Work? His dad grinned again while Tim furrowed his brow in frustration.  
“Can't start forgetting thing before your old man you know. Tell you what we'll walk today and maybe it'll jog your memory, get a bit of exercise. God knows I need it.”

They left the house in the afternoon, two o'clock and still Tim couldn't remember, he felt like it should have been very important, yet his father just smiled at him knowingly. He grumbled a little in the bright sun, somehow, he wasn't used to it. Probably what happens when you have the curtains drawn all day and night, or maybe partying. Where was he last night anyway? A hearty thump on his back brought him to his senses and they set off together.  
“I still haven't any idea where we're going you know?”  
“We've only walked a meter, Tim, you're smart, you'll get it at some point. Remember all those detective books you kept reading when you were little?”  
“Oh yeah, they were good.”  
“Were they now? Well at least you enjoyed them. From what I can tell you were already like a mini-detective at nine,” he laughed.  
“Mini...detective?”  
“That's right, one time I brought you with me to work because your Sitter called in sick. My assistant came to tell me about an urgent project that hadn't been addressed right in the middle of a general meeting. I was far to busy to listen to her. Then you came up to me everybody stopped talking and then you called it, right there and then like you'd been in on the whole thing.”  
“All I had to do was look at some papers someone had left lying around and figured they'd given you some other ones in the wrong order.”  
“Ha, and then, there was Batman.” Oh, Tim thought, Batman, the most elusive hero and he'd figured out it was Bruce, with his dad hell-bent on making sure Tim quit being Robin. He scrunched up his eyes again. He'd almost forgotten about that. Something important... Tim felt a soft pat on his head.  
“A gift from God your mother would say.”  
“I don't know about the 'gift' and 'God' part.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because,” Tim skipped forward a few extra steps and spread his arms out for emphasis, “If God exists then why is the world so miserable? Why do good people have to die?”  
“Tim-”  
“I mean didn't you see the news today? Joker got out, AGAIN! If God was really with us, wouldn't he make sure that creeps like him don't exist? Obviously that's because, HE doesn't. That or I'm actually stupid.” Tim's dad looked sad, and small bit of guilt welled up inside of Tim. But he it was true, wasn't it, if God really did exist then no one would be crazy, no one would have to cry or suffer. But that wasn't how it was, life was painful, every day, people don't know if they'll go home that night. Places like Gotham, no matter how many times Batman will scour the streets, will be filled with crooks, murderers, rapists and nut jobs. So when someone asked Tim, did he believe? He told them there was no god.  
“Let's keep walking and we'll talk,” his dad simply said. They resumed their journey, silently at first.  
“You know the story about Adam and Eve, right?” Tim nodded. Obviously. It was bible tale 101.  
“The world stopped being perfect the moment the knew how to be evil, and evil is like a little rotten vine that sneaks up on even the best of us. No one starts out thinking they want to kill or hurt people Tim.”  
“Couldn't he just start over again?”  
“You know those video games you loved playing, when you should be doing homework?” Tim's dad cocked an eyebrow at that and Tim couldn't suppress a giggle, “The ones where you have to build everything from scratch?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Ever made a mistake and whatever you made isn't perfect?”  
“All the time.”  
“Scrapping them was the hardest thing to do wasn't it? Most of the time you just worked with whatever you had.”  
“How do you-”  
“We used to talk about it sometimes.” He was right, Tim used to play and then complain to his parents that something wasn't to his liking. Funny since they were always so busy at work or at home.  
“Uh, okay, yeah,” Tim rubbed the back of his head, “I worked hard on them so starting over wasn't something I liked doing.”  
“God feels the same way, probably even more heart-broken if he tried scrapping everything.”  
“Fine, I get that so why can't he at least stop stuff like that from happening, he was there from the beginning and he had the power, why didn't God prevent it all from happening. Mom would be here, you'd be with me and Kon and Steph...” Tim heard his words drift off. Kon had died Steph was dead too. He lost parents, friends and family so many times it hurt to remember. To remember...He stopped walking. He'd lost them all.  
“Tim...whoops, sorry over here,” he heard his dad say, “We nearly missed this corner.”  
Tim was pulled gently by his jacket as they rounded the bend. They came upon a father with his child, out playing in the park. Just then a dog came sniffing by. No collar. It was a stray. The little girl went over to pet it when it spotted her coming and began to growl viciously. Her dad called out to her to keep away. But she didn't listen, or didn't hear and made a beeline for the mutt. Before her fingers had even touched its head, the stray snapped at her, its teeth catching her fingers. She cried, wailing at the top of her voice. Her father came over to her and shooed it away.  
“See, I told you you shouldn't get near it, does it hurt a lot,” he asked lovingly. She nodded, big drops of tears falling down from her cheeks, “Oh, here, I gotcha, so are we going to be smart about it next time.”  
“Uhuh,” she replied as they walked home. Tim realized they were watching the whole scene and his dad hadn't said a word. When he looked back to him, there was a heart-warming expression about him.  
“You know back then, I never got to teach you how to ride a bike,” he said after a moment of silence.  
“Yeah, but a really close friend helped me learn,” Tim said. Well, training with the Bat was not exactly like riding a bike, but it came close and he sort of skipped the bike part and went to motorbike thanks to Dick.  
“What was he like?”  
Tim thought for a moment, about all his mentors and the things he'd learned.  
“Understanding, smart, and he taught me everything I needed to know, but...” Tim tilted his head and gazed at the sky, “He never tried to hold my hand through it. So I fell quite a lot.” Tim could suddenly feel all the scars that marred his body, all the battles won and lost.  
“It hurt didn't it? But now, you're flying,” his dad said.  
Tim watched the birds flying by overhead and couldn't help but think. Every bird has to fall before it could fly, and that was his life. Falling so many times he thought at some point he'd never get up. But he did it, he went through each and every trial with Batman, with Nightwing, Red Hood and never babied him, let him make his own decisions because they trusted he'd make the right one. The Teen Titans, Young Justice, Steph and Kon, they fought together helping each other out and sometimes, it was tough, really really tough. He'd had to learn, whether by victory or defeat. And as he closed his eyes, Tim realized he wouldn't trade any of it away, no matter how hard the lesson was.  
“Here we are,” his father said as they came to stop by the road. It was a bus stop with one of those shelters, a few red chairs present for weary travellers. Tim raised an eyebrow.  
“Ookay, so am I getting sent off to somewhere?”  
“Something like that, looks like we're early.” Tim's father gave a heavy sigh as he lowered himself on one of the chairs. He looked at Tim and gave a pat on the seat beside him. Tim followed suit.  
“I don't think there would've been any point in us the way were are, if he'd wanted to take away our right to make choices. I had to take a lot of risks too letting you go out on our own, and you know what, your mother and I are so proud of you. You've grown up so much, Tim and we love you so much. And I'm sure, no matter what you think of him, God feels the same too.” A bus finally pulled up at the stop, no number no destination to Tim's surprise. Shouldn't it say where it's going, he thought to himself.  
His dad noticed his confused look, “Sorry, this one's quite old but it works, anyway time for you to go.”  
“Dad?”  
“They're waiting for you.” Tim watched as he got up and walked back towards the outside of the shelter, where his mother stood watching with tears in her eyes.  
“Mom?!” Tim yelled, and bound after his parents, wrapping his arms around her. He'd almost forgot what she looked like, how her voice went a little higher when she laughed.  
“Sorry honey, I was a bit late, but at least I finally get to say goodbye.”  
“Please...don't go,” Tim begged. He felt his fathers big hands on his shoulders, turning him around and pulling him into a big hug. The Drakes held onto each other, crying and laughing at the same time.  
“We never left you son, we were always with you, every step of the way, and always will be.” They broke away from each other, and gazed at each other for one last time.  
“All you need to do is remember, you'll never be alone, even when there's no one by your side, just remember.”  
His parents began to fade out of sight along with the houses and the streets.  
“Mom, Dad?” Tim looked around, all that was left was the endless white and a bus shelter, the vehicle still parked and waiting. Tim gave a sniffle and smiled.  
“I love you, bye Mom, bye Dad.”

Tim had climbed onto the bus to find it completely deserted apart from the driver. It looked old but homely at the same time.  
“There's no one else here?”  
“A bit quiet but we don't get many people travelling this way, hope you don't mind,” the driver said, giving him a warm smile.  
“No not at all.”  
“So any idea where you're off to?”  
“I think I'm supposed to get back, I got some...friends who need me.” The driver deliberated for a moment.  
“Yeah, yeah I know what you mean,” he said before starting the vehicle. As they drove off, the whiteness began to populate with multitudes of figures in all colours, some were clearer than others and some floated up or floated down as far as the eye could see.  
“Have you been a bus driver for long?” Tim asked.  
“Oh, forever as the say, this is a two way road you know, but not many guys like you take the bus this way.”  
“Why is that?”  
“Rules you know, well, the way it should work. Normally, I wouldn't bring them back, and people back there don't ask to. I mean, it looked nice back there with your folks, I'm sure you would've loved to stay with them.”  
“I do, I really do, but I remembered something important and….I don't think I'm finished yet,” Tim said, his mind flashing with memories. He was beginning to recall everything in his life, “I was just missing something big in my life, but I think, I'm ready to move on now.”  
“Well that's a ray of sunshine, and you deserve it kid. Life is like a journey, and it's a journey people shouldn't take alone. Sometimes, you need someone to walk with you and let you know you're safe no matter what happens. People get lost a lot on the way and the road gets hard and scary.”  
Tim thought about the times that he believed there was nothing for him left, that everybody he loved would just one day die. The first time he put on the Robin suit he would fly carefree and light, but losing his father and everyone from then on, made his heart harder and heavier. Before he'd come around to admitting it, he'd become lost and bitter, almost like Bruce. Sometimes, the silence was too much for Tim and it became hard to breathe. And Tim realized. That his biggest fear was being alone.  
“You're not alone, kiddo, you don't have to be scared,” the driver said almost as if he was reading Tim's mind, just as the bus slowed to a halt, he turned around with a lovely smile that made Tim feel warm and safe, “So whenever you need someone to guide you on the right path, just call.”  
“I'm sorry, do I know you?” Tim uttered in a daze. It was as if the bus drivers face was getting brighter, almost painfully so. But he could see one last big smile before everything went white.  
“You do now.”

“Rob, Robin!” Kon's voice cut through the haze, Tim's eyes opened weakly and the pain hit him again. He could hear everyone calling out to him now, Bart, Cassie and everyone.  
“What...happened?” he mumbled, his mouth felt weird and numb.  
“You nearly died, that's what happened! Oh, dear god!” Kon growled, suddenly pulling Tim into his arms.”  
“Ow, ow,” Tim choked out, as sharp pain stabbed through him, Kon blurted out an apology as he released the boy.  
“We dragged your broken ass to the tower as fast as we could, you were nearly gone, we thought we'd lost you,” M'Gann said putting her hand on Tim's.  
“You gave us a heart attack, man!” Bart said, throwing his arms up. Kon pulled him, gently this time, into his arms again, holding him as though he was scared he'd lose Tim again.  
“Sorry, Stephanie isn't here, so I'll stand in for her.”  
Tim let out a weak laugh, “You do fine on your own, Steph won't mind.” He hurt all over, like he'd been trampled beneath a thousand pairs of feet then thrown through a shredder. It hurt bad but somehow, he wanted to smile through all the pain.  
“Something happen?” Kon noted seeing Tim's smile. For some reason, it was lighter and had more life in it than he ever had.  
“Yeah, I guess, I just got a revelation.”


End file.
